Seeing him making you smile reminds me of how I've failed to.

Sometimes, when I settle down in silence and let the darkness in me creep through my bones. I wonder why I'm here messing you up.

Why don't you just fucking kill me?

PS...?

April 19, 2013…

Life is not about “I was”, do not relish in past glories, nor regret in past failures.

Life is not about “I will”, do not float in dreams of the future, nor tremble in worries of tomorrow.

Life is about “I am”, live an authentic life, in all its beauty and all its weakness.

I would describe myself as a being of the now.

Just yesterday, I was badly thrashed in the interschool tournament. In 6 months time, I will hand down captainship to the next leader. Now, I am Captain of the Tennis Team of NUS High School.

There is that minimum that a student leader needs to accomplish. Yet, there is that much more possibilities and potential one can realize. And I am burn to realize my dreams for the team.

Despite being fortunate to have played in the nation-wide tennis tournament for 4 years, all the match experience was still insufficient to perform in the national tennis scene. We lack commitment, we lack training, but most importantly, we lack the “know of winning”. Despite being better skilled than many of our opponents, we lost through mental and emotional weakness.

I will not allow my juniors to fall the same way we did, I will initiate a culture of commitment. I will have to train the juniors, and above all, I will have to push them to strengthen mentally and emotionally.

I spend time now nurturing the leaders I need to assist me. I plan now to meet the targets which I have set. I, too, surge forward now to grow sufficiently for the trials ahead.

I am a collective of my past experiences, my dreams and hopes of the future, and my actions now. Only time will tell if I succeed.

so unmotivated

"What the heart speaks, the mind rarely comprehends."

Aye. Aye.

Sex, relaxation and tension

Men and women whisper to each other because they have turned a sacred gesture into a sinful act.

This is the world in which we live. And while robbing the present moment of its reality can be dangerous, disobedience can also be a virtue, when we know how to use it.

If two bodies merely join together, that is not sex, it is merely pleasure.
Sex goes far beyond pleasure.

In sex, relaxation and tension go hand in hand, as do pain and pleasure, shyness and the courage to go beyond one’s limits.

How can such opposing states exist in harmony together? There is only one way: by surrendering yourself.
Because the act of surrender means: ‘I trust you.’

It isn’t enough to imagine everything that might happen if we allowed ourselves to join not just our bodies, but our souls as well.

Let us plunge together, then, down the dangerous path of surrender.
It may be dangerous, but it is the only path worth following.

Let us forget all that we are taught about how it is noble to give and humiliating to receive.
Because for most people, generosity consists only in giving, but receiving is also an act of love.

Allowing someone else to make us happy will make them happy too.
 
 
taken from MANUSCRIPT FOUND IN ACCRA

By Paulo Coelho

Tomorrow is your birthday

And part of me feels sorry for you

For you to have a boyfriend 

who hasn't prepared anything for you

who doesn't feel like celebrating it for you

who doesn't feel like making you feel happy tomorrow

who doesn't even know what the hell he is doing with you

If I said I still care about you, 

what would you do?

If I said I am getting very tired of all these mixed emotions that arise at the sound of your name,

what would you do?

If I said I would rather forget you completely, but can't,

What would you do?

在那里

If hearts could sing, 

what music would mine make?

Would it thump with fiery drums?
The chanting and singing of war?
A raw chaotic beat of hatred and angst?

Or would it be a resigned sighing?

The whispering of men with broken spirit,
A wearied murmur of Hope crushed and lost.

It may scream the wails of banshees
Horrifying yet beautiful, resilient yet despairing.
The futile cries for the dead long and gone.

It may be the howl of a lone wolf
The steely cold of the midnight breeze.
The confidence of a maverick calm and free.

But where can it find?

The peace and grace of a dancer?
The contentment of a clear bell ring?
The joy of a silent prayer answered.

The Cycle of Nature

In the cycle of nature there is no such thing as victory or defeat: there is only movement.

The winter struggles to reign supreme, but, in the end, is obliged to accept spring’s victory, which brings with it flowers and happiness.

The summer would like to make its warm days last for ever, because it believes that warmth is good for the earth, but, finally, it has to accept the arrival of autumn, which will allow the earth to rest.

The gazelle eats the grass and is devoured by the lion. It isn’t a matter of who is the strongest, but God’s way of showing us the cycle of death and resurrection.
And within that cycle there are neither winners nor losers, there are only stages that must be gone through. When the human heart understands this, it is free, able to accept difficult times and not be deceived by moments of glory.

Both will pass. One will succeed the other. And the cycle will continue until we liberate ourselves from the flesh and find the Divine Energy.

Therefore, when the fighter is in the ring – whether by his own choice or because unfathomable destiny has placed him there – may his spirit be filled with joy at the prospect of the fight ahead. If he holds on to his dignity and his honour, then, even if he loses the fight, he will never be defeated, because his soul will remain intact.

And he will blame no one for what is happening to him.
Ever since he fell in love for the first time and was rejected, he has known that this did not put paid to his ability to love.

What is true in love is also true in war.

-Paulo Coelho-

The Dance of Life

"Befriending death seems to be the basis of all other forms of befriending. I have a deep sense, hard to articulate, that if we could really befriend death we would be free people. So many of our doubts and hesitations, ambivalences, and insecurities are bound up with our deep-seated fear of death that our lives would be significantly different if we could relate to death as a familiar guest instead of a threatening stranger."

-Henri  Nouwen-  

OMG SO AWESOME

ARP report

It's about breaking conformity.

It's about being a unique zealot.

It's about a small-against-big fight.

It's about non-acceptance.

Blind non-acceptance.

Faith is where a man holds his ground.

I hold mine in between.

And you hold yours in the extremes.