今天省下来的水忘了给你...

Amor venme a buscar

Regresa a mi


notte de luce


a mi manera

i dunno what to title this post

sometimes it seems like not being truthful to you is the better option...
sometimes it seems like i never knew you...

how could i have told you?

gosh...

I am so screwed... Must jiayous like crazy!

The start and the end

It all started with me, alone. and me alone, it shall end.

hai...

How much I want to wake up tomorrow morning with you by my side and no one else in this world.

This Morning

Let me embrace life,
all the joy and pain, sorrow and shame
with a sincere heart and an open mind
and if i fail, let it be a satisfaction unseen
that i have done my best and given my all.

Mockingbird by Eminem

I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me

Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cause you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
Laney uncles crazy, ain't he?
Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up his daddy that he had to see
Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we were teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But I promise momma's gon' be alright

It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cause daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying
Cause daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broken into and robbed
Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat one bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre
And flew you and momma out to see me
But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it
And you and Laney were to young to understand it
Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cause all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sitting in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now
Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here
Laney I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)

Alone

Im alone.

Extra commitment

GOsh, i feel so fail.. how could i forget... Church... hai...

Someone

I really want someone whom i can cling on to no matter what. Someone who will push me onwards despite my God-given sloth. Someone who'll know when i fall and pick me up without me needing to ask for help. Someone who understands me without a word I say. Someone who will be there whenever i need a hug.

How could such a person exist?

Yr 5 Commitments

Well there, hello. My ideal commitments for next year are as follows....

1. PIG (Physics interest group)
I CANNOT DROP THIS. not only do i feel obliged to Mr Tan, I also jio Cheeseng & Yos into it, and there are also Year2s who i encouraged to join... So yea.... I was slacking a lot last year le, this year however, i have been more active and I really believe that PIG is moving forward despite the lost of many of our seniors(really awesome people) I just hope that the future will be able to take step when we leave... If not, its just super irritating....

2. NEA
Well, sinking ship, but i wont leave my neas till its totally down. I just really hope that next year, more opportunities can be given and we wont be as choked as this year... Indeed if we are more active next year... I would be more busy... but... I really hope to be able to assist into the transition of NEA into council... The reason why i wanna be a singaporean citizen is really sparked off by my taking of NEA role in Year 1... I really want it to do well...

3. Tennis exco
hai... my tennis boys are really a joy to be with and they really show so much potential... Hoping that these boys would bring us further much is too much, but i really hope and believe that these boys will be the first major stepping stone onwards to the progression of tennis CCA... and i really wanna be part of it to nurture this little jokers (HAHA, thinking about them makes me laugh SO CUTE!!!)

4. Academically
MUST TAKE ---> Math, Physics, Chem honours
Might wanna take... Bio honors...

I really wanna finish up Physics Olympiad under Bernard Ricardo... I feel like this is a really good oppurtunity to be able to build up a strong mind for critical thinking (though i REALLY HATE THE TRIGO) AND SPhO!!!! At least a silver come on!!!! must jiayous!

5. ARP
SSEF GOLD!!!! MATERIAL SCIENCE PLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLS I really need a solid partner to help me out... gosh... I really dunno who? Cyrus? :/ His commitment level.. does it match mine?

6. Japanese
Study group for japanese... I wont be taking jap lessons anymore le... I just really hope to use the opportunity of being close to fellow friends to buff-en up my jap and preferably can take N3 by next year end... AND BE ABLE TO CONVERSE IN JAP BETTER!!!

7. You
My loved ones... I put you guys all the way at the back cos there's just so much to say here... I really don't know how else to say this... And how many of you will actually read this? I only know 3 people who told me they do... But I really treasure you guys... But there's just all these things up there cluttering me up... And you guys got your own lives as well... I really wanna be there for you guys whenever you need me... And really, im glad to be able to be your friends... (: I'm always here yea? (:

Leadership

It just struck me, both the Imam and the Pastor were leaders in their own rights, both were militia leaders against each other... and they became peace advocates together afterwards... Maybe there is much to learn from these leaders... hmm...

integrate, not assimilate

The Imam and the Pastor

Well... The Imam & the Pastor, well just a brief background of these 2 holy-ly awesome men.

http://www.iofc.org/imam-pastor

so yea. Well, these 2 dudes were there on the conference thingy i went today, and it was really great to have them there, but really bitter to have MCYS head to ks them so much. Come on la, face it, MCYS minister of state dont do much compared to these dudes, like COME ON! gosh, but never mind. AND I SAW AARON MANIAM, ADAM MANIAM'S (MPP mentor) bro! AND THEY ARE A REALLY MIXED UP FAMILY OF LIKE PAKISTANI, INDIAN, CHINESE, and God knows what else!!!

Both the Imam and the Pastor were damn good. Like seriously, they were confident, humourous (even though discussing serious stuff). Even with their weird accented english, their vocabulary was strong, and they really could speak their minds, maybe it's cause they do it over and over so many times before, but really! they linked it back to the audience (us) like, referring to the organisers and to us students. It was really wonderful experience listening to these guys!!! I really would love the opportunity to talk to either one or both of them privately!!! So coolll!

So epic man like the Pastor lost his hand fighting against the Imam and it was like. THEY FORGABVE EACH OTHER!!!! like omg, so awesome.... I totally like admire these 2 men. hai... kinda bittersweet that we did not manage to interact with them more...

Life

When Joy and Sorrow crashes together

Remembrance

Don't ever forgot how much you mean to me. Whenever you're sad, please bear in mind how much I cherish your smile, and even if im not there, or you dont want me to be... Do know that i care.

Man

Slaves of the very society they created. Who knew the almighty mitochondria would be at the service of eukaryotes? no one did. and in all ignorance they believed that they live and persevered on for themselves. true, but to what end. they only get to the furthest ends of the cell, any further, they will be destroyed. and now, the very environment of the cell causes mitochondria to grow in excess, and soon, cancer would come and death will consume all. in their ignorance, they believe that going further, hopping over to further cells would bring salvation, what salvation is that? such salvation only brings about increased egoism and shortsightedness, pride and ignorance. Chained to the unending pursuit of developments of its own destruction, and the destruction of all.

Cancer

Are we the cancer?

The leukocytes are meant to act as guardians, but if cancerous, they run amok and kill those they were to protect

shitshitshitshitshit

damn, im starting to emo about all those macro shit again... hai.... sian...