);

Where are you? :/

What if?

What if nothing had happened?
What if we never even got to know each other?
What if we were still together

What if there was no replacement?

Wimpy

I sound like some wimpy spineless boy, but i really wanted to just hug you tight and cry out all that shit

I am happy! I really am.

How much I wish I can share this joy with you... :/

Gosh...

Should I talk to you? :/

I'm so tired

I'm tired of every lesson I have.

I'm tired of having to think so much about so many things

I'm tired of missing you late into the nights

I'm tired of wishing how everything could go back to when they were happier

I'm tired of being a shadow of my old self

I'm tired of being

跑

当自己也分别不清汗水与泪水。

):

Main dukhi hun

ohh no boredom

Im getting bored of my songs... damn

Iridescent

oh hi, long since i last posted... well... i did not find this song any nice until just recently... somehow the lyrics just clicked to me and i feel so much comforted by it...

When you were standing in the wake of devastation
when you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now
you were there and possibly alone.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.

And in the burst of light that blinded every angel
as if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
you felt the gravity of tempered grace falling into empty space
no one there to catch you in their arms


Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go,

let it go
let it go
let it go
let it go

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
you build up hope, but failure's all you've known
remember all the sadness and frustration
and let it go, let it go.

今天省下来的水忘了给你...

Amor venme a buscar

Regresa a mi


notte de luce


a mi manera

i dunno what to title this post

sometimes it seems like not being truthful to you is the better option...
sometimes it seems like i never knew you...

how could i have told you?

gosh...

I am so screwed... Must jiayous like crazy!

The start and the end

It all started with me, alone. and me alone, it shall end.

hai...

How much I want to wake up tomorrow morning with you by my side and no one else in this world.

This Morning

Let me embrace life,
all the joy and pain, sorrow and shame
with a sincere heart and an open mind
and if i fail, let it be a satisfaction unseen
that i have done my best and given my all.

Mockingbird by Eminem

I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me

Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
Well I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cause you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it, we gon' do it
Laney uncles crazy, ain't he?
Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up his daddy that he had to see
Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we were teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upper lip up little lady, I told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But I promise momma's gon' be alright

It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cause daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying
Cause daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broken into and robbed
Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat one bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre
And flew you and momma out to see me
But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it
And you and Laney were to young to understand it
Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cause all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sitting in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now
Wow, guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here
Laney I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)

Alone

Im alone.

Extra commitment

GOsh, i feel so fail.. how could i forget... Church... hai...

Someone

I really want someone whom i can cling on to no matter what. Someone who will push me onwards despite my God-given sloth. Someone who'll know when i fall and pick me up without me needing to ask for help. Someone who understands me without a word I say. Someone who will be there whenever i need a hug.

How could such a person exist?

Yr 5 Commitments

Well there, hello. My ideal commitments for next year are as follows....

1. PIG (Physics interest group)
I CANNOT DROP THIS. not only do i feel obliged to Mr Tan, I also jio Cheeseng & Yos into it, and there are also Year2s who i encouraged to join... So yea.... I was slacking a lot last year le, this year however, i have been more active and I really believe that PIG is moving forward despite the lost of many of our seniors(really awesome people) I just hope that the future will be able to take step when we leave... If not, its just super irritating....

2. NEA
Well, sinking ship, but i wont leave my neas till its totally down. I just really hope that next year, more opportunities can be given and we wont be as choked as this year... Indeed if we are more active next year... I would be more busy... but... I really hope to be able to assist into the transition of NEA into council... The reason why i wanna be a singaporean citizen is really sparked off by my taking of NEA role in Year 1... I really want it to do well...

3. Tennis exco
hai... my tennis boys are really a joy to be with and they really show so much potential... Hoping that these boys would bring us further much is too much, but i really hope and believe that these boys will be the first major stepping stone onwards to the progression of tennis CCA... and i really wanna be part of it to nurture this little jokers (HAHA, thinking about them makes me laugh SO CUTE!!!)

4. Academically
MUST TAKE ---> Math, Physics, Chem honours
Might wanna take... Bio honors...

I really wanna finish up Physics Olympiad under Bernard Ricardo... I feel like this is a really good oppurtunity to be able to build up a strong mind for critical thinking (though i REALLY HATE THE TRIGO) AND SPhO!!!! At least a silver come on!!!! must jiayous!

5. ARP
SSEF GOLD!!!! MATERIAL SCIENCE PLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLS I really need a solid partner to help me out... gosh... I really dunno who? Cyrus? :/ His commitment level.. does it match mine?

6. Japanese
Study group for japanese... I wont be taking jap lessons anymore le... I just really hope to use the opportunity of being close to fellow friends to buff-en up my jap and preferably can take N3 by next year end... AND BE ABLE TO CONVERSE IN JAP BETTER!!!

7. You
My loved ones... I put you guys all the way at the back cos there's just so much to say here... I really don't know how else to say this... And how many of you will actually read this? I only know 3 people who told me they do... But I really treasure you guys... But there's just all these things up there cluttering me up... And you guys got your own lives as well... I really wanna be there for you guys whenever you need me... And really, im glad to be able to be your friends... (: I'm always here yea? (:

Leadership

It just struck me, both the Imam and the Pastor were leaders in their own rights, both were militia leaders against each other... and they became peace advocates together afterwards... Maybe there is much to learn from these leaders... hmm...

integrate, not assimilate

The Imam and the Pastor

Well... The Imam & the Pastor, well just a brief background of these 2 holy-ly awesome men.

http://www.iofc.org/imam-pastor

so yea. Well, these 2 dudes were there on the conference thingy i went today, and it was really great to have them there, but really bitter to have MCYS head to ks them so much. Come on la, face it, MCYS minister of state dont do much compared to these dudes, like COME ON! gosh, but never mind. AND I SAW AARON MANIAM, ADAM MANIAM'S (MPP mentor) bro! AND THEY ARE A REALLY MIXED UP FAMILY OF LIKE PAKISTANI, INDIAN, CHINESE, and God knows what else!!!

Both the Imam and the Pastor were damn good. Like seriously, they were confident, humourous (even though discussing serious stuff). Even with their weird accented english, their vocabulary was strong, and they really could speak their minds, maybe it's cause they do it over and over so many times before, but really! they linked it back to the audience (us) like, referring to the organisers and to us students. It was really wonderful experience listening to these guys!!! I really would love the opportunity to talk to either one or both of them privately!!! So coolll!

So epic man like the Pastor lost his hand fighting against the Imam and it was like. THEY FORGABVE EACH OTHER!!!! like omg, so awesome.... I totally like admire these 2 men. hai... kinda bittersweet that we did not manage to interact with them more...

Life

When Joy and Sorrow crashes together

Remembrance

Don't ever forgot how much you mean to me. Whenever you're sad, please bear in mind how much I cherish your smile, and even if im not there, or you dont want me to be... Do know that i care.

Man

Slaves of the very society they created. Who knew the almighty mitochondria would be at the service of eukaryotes? no one did. and in all ignorance they believed that they live and persevered on for themselves. true, but to what end. they only get to the furthest ends of the cell, any further, they will be destroyed. and now, the very environment of the cell causes mitochondria to grow in excess, and soon, cancer would come and death will consume all. in their ignorance, they believe that going further, hopping over to further cells would bring salvation, what salvation is that? such salvation only brings about increased egoism and shortsightedness, pride and ignorance. Chained to the unending pursuit of developments of its own destruction, and the destruction of all.

Cancer

Are we the cancer?

The leukocytes are meant to act as guardians, but if cancerous, they run amok and kill those they were to protect

shitshitshitshitshit

damn, im starting to emo about all those macro shit again... hai.... sian...

There's only 1 girl

There's only 1 girl i wanna hold in my arms
There's only 1 girl i wanna call my little girl
There's only 1 girl who makes me feel like nothing's impossible
There's only 1 girl who i would stare down her eyes for eternity

And that girl is you, my little girl

The game

Maybe it's called hurt-gabriel-as-much-as-possible?

Choice

What am I to do? :/

Bittersweet

Well... today has been bittersweet, solved problems, found new ones, happy times, emo times, all in a day...


I'm numb...

Combo earlier

Haha, a song combo i heard earlier which was pretty nice:

1. Dies Irae by Mago De Oz
2. Hush, Hush by Pussy Cat Dolls
3. Regresa mi by Il Divo
4. Green Fields of France by Dropkick Murphys
5. Bolero by DBSK

haha

Green Fields of France

And faded to yellow in a brown leather frame

well...

A nuisance, good-for-nothing and pathetic

反方向的钟

迷迷蒙蒙你给的梦
出现裂缝隐隐作痛
怎么沟通你都没空
说我不懂说了没用
他的笑容有何不同
在你心中我不再受宠
我的天空是雨是风还是彩虹
你在操纵

恨自己真的没用情绪激动
一颗心到现在还在抽痛
还为分手前那句抱歉在感动
穿梭时间的画面的钟
从反方向开始移动
回到当初爱你的时空
停格内容不忠
所有回忆对着我进攻
我的伤口被你拆封
誓言太沉重泪被纵容
脸上汹涌失控

城市霓虹不安跳动
染红夜空过去种种
像一场梦不敢去碰
一想就痛心碎内容
每一秒钟都有不同
你不懂连一句珍重
也有苦衷也不想送
寒风中废墟烟囱
停止转动一切落空
在人海中盲目跟从
别人的梦全面放纵
恨没有用疗伤止痛
不在感动没有梦
痛不知轻重
泪水鲜红全面放纵

Slow Fade

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Green Fields of France

Oh how do you do, young Willy McBride?
Do you mind if I sit here down beside your graveside?
And rest for a while 'neath the warm summer sun
I've been walking all day, and I'm nearly done
And I see by your gravestone you were only nineteen
When you joined the great fallen in 1916
Well I hope you died quick
And I hope you died clean
Oh Willy McBride, was is it slow and obscene?

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the Last Post in chorus?
Did the pipes play the Flowers of the Forest?

And did you leave a wife or a sweetheart behind
In some loyal heart is your memory enshrined?
And though you died back in 1916
To that loyal heart you're forever nineteen
Or are you a stranger without even a name？
Forever enshrined behind some old glass pane
In an old photograph torn, tattered, and stained
And faded to yellow in a brown leather frame

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the Last Post in chorus?
Did the pipes play the Flowers of the Forest?

The sun shining down on these green fields of France
The warm wind blows gently and the red poppies dance
The trenches have vanished long under the plow
No gas, no barbed wire, no guns firing now
But here in this graveyard that's still no man's land
The countless white crosses in mute witness stand
To man's blind indifference to his fellow man
And a whole generation were butchered and damned

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the Last Post in chorus?
Did the pipes play the Flowers of the Forest?

And I can't help but wonder oh Willy McBride
Do all those who lie here know why they died?
Did you really believe them when they told you the cause?
Did you really believe that this war would end wars?
Well the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame
The killing and dying it was all done in vain
Oh Willy McBride it all happened again
And again, and again, and again, and again

Did they beat the drums slowly?
Did they play the fife lowly?
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the Last Post in chorus?
Did the pipes play the Flowers of the Forest?

Rocky Road to Dublin

In the merry month of May, From my home I started,
Left the girls of Tuam, Nearly broken hearted,
Saluted father dear, Kissed my darlin' mother,
Drank a pint of beer, My grief and tears to smother,
Then off to reap the corn, And leave where I was born,
I cut a stout blackthorn, To banish ghost and goblin,
In a brand new pair of brogues, I rattled o'er the bogs,
And frightened all the dogs,On the rocky road to Dublin.

One, two, three, four five,
Hunt the hare and turn her
Down the rocky road
And all the ways to Dublin,
Whack-fol-lol-de-ra.

In Mullingar that night, I rested limbs so weary,
Started by daylight, Next mornin' light and airy,
Took a drop of the pure, To keep my heart from sinkin',
That's an Irishman's cure, Whene'er he's on for drinking.
To see the lasses smile, Laughing all the while,
At my curious style, 'Twould set your heart a-bubblin'.
They ax'd if I was hired, The wages I required,
Till I was almost tired, Of the rocky road to Dublin.

In Dublin next arrived, I thought it such a pity,
To be so soon deprived, A view of that fine city.
Then I took a stroll, All among the quality,
My bundle it was stole, In a neat locality;
Something crossed my mind, Then I looked behind;
No bundle could I find, Upon my stick a wobblin'.
Enquirin' for the rogue, They said my Connacht brogue,
Wasn't much in vogue, On the rocky road to Dublin.

From there I got away, My spirits never failin'
Landed on the quay As the ship was sailin';
Captain at me roared, Said that no room had he,
When I jumped aboard, A cabin found for Paddy,
Down among the pigs I played some funny rigs,
Danced some hearty jigs, The water round me bubblin',
When off Holyhead, I wished myself was dead,
Or better far instead, On the rocky road to Dublin.

The boys of Liverpool, When we safely landed,
Called myself a fool; I could no longer stand it;
Blood began to boil, Temper I was losin',
Poor ould Erin's isle They began abusin',
"Hurrah my soul," sez I, My shillelagh I let fly;
Some Galway boys were by, Saw I was a hobble in,
Then with a loud hurray, They joined in the affray.
We quickly cleared the way, For the rocky road to Dublin.

Season of My Weakness

I pause a moment for reflection
Ponder this peaceful benediction
While all that surrounds me
Is benign

It seems I’ve lost my inspiration
My last artistic motivation
The only thing, I have enough of,
Is time

I whisper to myself that everything is gonna be alright tomorrow
Though I have nothing left, if I can make it through the night
My soul will be at peace and Ill go on

Its bitter cold and I am hurting
It’s been a long road that’s for certain
Bereft of aid, Ill climb this mountain
Alone

Antagonistic winds cut through me relentless
I scream aloud “Dear God I am helpless!”
But there are none to hear my desperate cries
But the stones

Road Down

Ninety miles an hour, down this interstate
Driving on my last twenty dollars of gas
Got everything I own inside this Chevrolet
Going nowhere and that needle’s dropping fast

That woman broke my heart in St. Louis
Shot ‘em both and drove into the west after the sun
I’m chasing down my soul on my way to hell
Engine’s burning oil and I’ve got nowhere to run

As the daylight turns to dusk and that road keeps going further
Yeah my guilt comes washing over me
And with every breath I take you know those demons that I chase
Go ever free

And so I , buckle down and keep that engine whining
Running headlong to escape my destiny
There’s no going back my candles burning at both ends
On that old road down

Its midnight and I’m just outside of Santa Fe
Flat tire and my conscience finally got me off the road
I drop down to my knees and I start to pray
Don’t know if you’re up there but I’ve got a heavy load

At long last yeah, the devil has caught up with me
Whispers in my ear, with every mile you’re bound for hell
I’m asking you now Lord for deliverance
Take me from perdition, yeah with you to dwell

But the only sounds I hear are from the coyotes on the hillside
Yeah, their voices make a mournful harmony
Now I know that He is listening guess he don’t want to take a chance
On the likes of me

If I could somehow beckon to the grace of God
Prove that I am truly repentant
I tell myself there must be something I could try
I do not run in vain
My life is not worthless

hai.

刚才为什么要见到你?若没看到你，那我整天会容易了一些...

the previous post

it does not make sense if you google translate cos spanish got all those weird signs above the letters which i did not copy. so a lot of words dont get translated/dont make sense

Regresa A Mi

Okay, i have this random urge to type down the lyrics of this song. Not copy/paste. typed. LOL


No me abandones asi
Hablando solo de ti
Ven y devuelveme al fin
La sonrisa que se fue
Una vez mas tocar tu piel
Recuperemos lo que se ha perdido

Regresa a mi
Quere me otra vez
Borra el dolor
Que al irte me dio
Cuando te separate de mi
Dime que si
Yo no quiero llorar
Regresa a mi

Extrano el amor que se fue
Extrano la dicha tambien
Quiero que vengas a mi
Y me vuelvas a querer
No puedo mas sit u no estas
tienes que lgar
Mi vida se apaga sin ti a mi lado

No me abandonas asi
Hablando solo de ti
Devuelveme la passion de tus brazos

Tears no more

为了她，我哭到没眼泪为你哭了。



终于知道什么是哭到再也哭不了的感觉。

Sunday 15th May 11:34 (okay, this is late, dad came back and had to move over back to grandma's place)

So yea, i shall just finish up this post

The Sidik period of events (At least mine)

Mum's bday on 7th May
Dad's Bday on 14th May
Ama's Bday on 15th May
Gong's Anniversary on 17th May

hai... it's late at night, and I am at my uncle's place waiting for dad... he went for Andrea Bocelli's concert, if i got the spelling of that dude right that is... well... I think so ba... Unless i got the Bocelli wrong...

My cousins are asleep above me, my grandma and her sister are in a room which door is 6 metres away from me at 1.30 direction... Not at chempaka putih, (so have internet access) well, i doubt anyone would know where the shit i am anyway eh...

A quick description of this place... I am on this relatively huge table, 4 metres long, 1 metre+ wide... black. infront of me it this random frame with nothing but a random flower motif in it.... which is rather pretty, its transparent and black floral patterns. Behind that screen would be a plasma tv and some sofas and stuff... futher behind that is the balcony, from which a stairs would lead to swimming pool...

OK FINE, i dont wanna continue describing that place le, in singapore now and cant really recall the details so yea.

Indonesia

I'm off to Indonesia again. I'm supposed to be feeling like I'm going home, back to family and stuff... But well, I feel really unsure about everything... Can't wait to be back home, home in Singapore.

Back to december

Was listening to radio... and heard the song back into december...

Where are you?