Birds

Pretty little birds~~

Okay...

Now, my blog looks very bright! Haha, like "A Thousand Suns" black and white. Super big contrast! Shall tweak my blog a little, and seriously, i dunno what to name it. Any good names to recommend?

The Homily

Okay, the homily of today's 10.15 mass, okay, YESTERDAY'S mass. It was damn fail. Father Heng was just crapping about how all natural disasters are cause of us HUMANS! LIKE HELLO!!!! EVEN EARTHQUAKES HUMANS ARH?! BULLSHIT MAN! What rubbish, environmental destruction caused by humans, YES, but EARTHQUAKES AND TSUNAMIS! WTF MAN!

He loves injecting the sense of doom and failure of humans into his sermons, and dont tell us how to improve, just tell us stuff like "hey, you suck! Go to live like Jesus" What the hell? never even tell us how to do so, just ask us. COCKENHEIMER!!!! damnnit la, feel like the priests in church are getting more fails. Father Colin and Leslie Raj left, O Neal died, Keane too tired. Left with these 2 jokers... wahseh... okay, Father James is still alright... Not as far-fetched as Heng, but still not directly applicable lor... HAI...

The reason I still go to church, is to try to reignite my faith, but all this... ><

A side-track, even though earthquakes and tsunamis do kill people and stuff, you NEED earthquakes to renew the lands, to give dynamism to the world, and tsunamis... bobian, earthquakes underwater and tralalala lor. These are miracles of God, if you are there, not man-made abominations.

A boy

My cousin's friend... Well... 7 years old boy.

His mum told him to run and get some stuff, he ran, and fell. His skull fractured, and two thirds of his brain messed up real bad. Left with an intact body and no mind, all he has left of his brain was the back of it. Just that little back part.

My aunt (that cousin's mum) sent me an sms to pray for the little one... The boy's mum is still clinging on to the hope that her son will recover from coma. Is it possible? Is it possible for the boy to return? My aunt petitioned us to pray for the boy to recover...

God, if you are indeed up there, please bring the boy home, cut the endless drain of his parents, cut his endless wanderings. Just take him.

If I were the boy... I really wish that I could just die then. My parents would be wasting money to keep me alive, no, to prevent me from dying; I would have no longer been alive. My parents would be emotionally drained, seeing me lie there in a hospital, alive, yet lifeless...

Hai... Better get out of this little emo ditch... ><

-Death is the only thing which is eternal-

Hands

The hand is one of the most useful things that someone can have. it is used for so many stuff, you can't believe that its actually one of the first parts to die if the body has to choose, well, i dont really know.

hands... can be used to provoke others, hurt others, but it too can be used to calm others, comfort others... well, my hands are damn lazy of typing, thats what i know, and i shall not write an entire essay over here about hands...

im sleepy, my head is heavy, my heart is heavy. hell, my hands are heavy and i shall sleep le... i need the rest for tomorrow...




Holding your sweet little hands in mine...

Recap: last night

Okay, Bio project...

Well... I saw the other side of a lot of people, and somehow... it switched on the other side of me i have not been showing very often... HAHA, until the guys all were super shocked. xD

Well... I guess they already know this other side of them. But i did not. so yea... when i can feel that they are focused upon doing the job, even though we are still laughing and stuff... I still can feel it...

It just struck me how people who i am not that close to... still can affect me a lot... I feel vulnerable now... >< hai... I need more faith in others... And myself?

:/

Chasing Cars

Well... I'm re-in-love with this song... It just seems so... applicable xD

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


But i don't like the name. like wth! what chasing cars, damn boliao. why not something like... FINE! Can't get a better name for the song. Damn it. AHAHA nvm, still a nice song. <3

Okay, NO MORE "TODAY"s

Haha,

Today went pretty fine, did SMP at first... was rather screwed up... to think about it, felt super bitchy, made a lot of fuss for no reason, and all i did was to piss off one, and probably hurt another... Hai... >.<

Then... Bio... was quite productive... A lot of thoughts regarding the whole procedure... shall think about it another time, and post it... super tired now...

LOL
xD

I made excuses for myself to wallow in self pity, but you dragged me out of it. thanks (:

HAHA, you can actually refer to more than 1 person xD combined synergy HAHA

Hate

It takes so much to hate someone.

Hating a person...

It certainly takes a lot of effort, and it certainly takes a lot of time, spending such time and effort on loving people who mean something to one, and ignoring those who just don't matter...

Now, ain't that better? xD

Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours.

When someone helps me, my repayment would be thrice.

When someone hurts me, my vengeance would be five times more.













I just cant let you help me no more with all the repayment I still owe you.

Today

It seems vaguely in my memory that t have a few other posts on my blog with "Today" as the title... Shall check later... Don't ask me why im blogging now. super busy and stuff... just felt like blogging. though i dont really know what to blog about... PE! LOL, kena raped by 03 guys, sians lor, our side was like "so buff, lose liao" don't even bother do properly... then the bloody indian of a sooraj just cos wanna save his own face dont wanna come and pull with us. -.- talk about class spirit. then... yea... but seriously, daohan, youngjoo and tseren were super strong LOL, was being dragged across the field by them. did not really observe if that was happening to all of us though. but it would have been SCARY if it was...

OHHYAH! never check their mass!

Willie 98
Muru 68
Jiawei 50?
Sree 50?
Punitha 50?
Clarence 70
Me 60
1 more guy? 70?

total... 516 kg. LOL, nowhere near the max of 600kg per team xD

女人

忘了你是人

也忘了你是个女人。。。

Facts versus fictions

Fact vs fiction
Life vs dreams
realities vs illusions






hell vs heaven

Pearl

Arif is just like an irritant in a pearl oyster,

The tougher the foe, the better he becomes, and hell he irritates his opponents with that "I'm gonna beat you" smile across his face. :P

Hope our little trick player can work his magic in the upcoming matches...

Friday

Ended bad, but who cares. Let's imagine that did not happen

Okay, so tennis CCA. We started training for competition proper! Our school team this year is also pretty much confirmed le(:

And its confirmed that Chang Yoon is our best player! Clearly better than Hyeong Kyeong liao.

So here is the approximate heirachy

Chang Yoon Korean
Hyeong Kyeong Korean
Muruges Indian
Me? Indonesian Chinese
Jia Jun Singapore Chinese
Arif Half Malay/Chinese Singaporean
Chin Moy Indian
Yu Xuan China

Okay, just feel like putting down nationality, to show the multi-racial-ness of the school team. COOL RIGHT? LOL, random.

Note that top 2 are koreans. D:

Lets comment on the team!

Chang Yoon Best player, just worried about the pressure issue. deproves across
the set
Hyeong Kyeong Ex-best, but after injury (soccer, screw it) deprove a lot
Muruges Quite good strokes (better than me) but footwork sucks. So might
actually win muruges.
Me? Indonesian Chinese
Jia Jun Singapore Chinese
Arif Half Malay/Chinese Singaporean
Chin Moy Indian
Yu Xuan China


Well, after HK to B4 Chin Moy, we are around the same standard? Close enough

SMP Phase 2 out

I tried my best. No one recognised it. FML.

Does everyone actually try hard?

Does everyone actually try hard?

Weathering hot years
Death onwards
Past erodes on past, leaving existence
Facts evades and rolls
In tethers
?
Try hard everyone
Any new sequence will enlighten rightly
:
For old ones, love is scarcely honest, never estimating silent signals

Tennis

Here's the overall play of a pro tennis team...

1st Singles: Best player
2nd Singles: 3rd Best player
3rd Singles: 2nd best player

Doubles: 1 really good, the other soso

Here's the overall play of a average tennis team...

1st Singles: Best player
2nd Singles: Some lousy player
3rd Singles: 2nd best player

Doubles: 1 really good, the other soso

Here's the overall play of NUSHS tennis team...

1st Singles: Lousiest player
2nd Singles: Best Single player
3rd Singles: Decent singles player

Doubles: mixed. 1 good player in each doubles.

Stupid way to minimize lost... SIAN...

Win 2nd Singles and both doubles. actually, any permutation just without the 1st singles. >< Pity Chin Moy D;

Russians prt 2

Just realised that the song Russians was highly related to LTH's lessons! :P

Year 4

Hmm... reflections for the year 2010...

Long year, really long. Tough. Emo. Got some prety nice stuff too. But over.

2011
Long year to go, lotsa opportunity, with lotsa risk of burning out too... Just hope we can survive it...

Russians

Song by Sting, crazy over this now.

In Europe and America, there's a growing feeling of hysteria
Conditioned to respond to all the threats
In the rhetorical speeches of the Soviets
Mr. Krushchev said we will bury you
I don't subscribe to this point of view
It would be such an ignorant thing to do
If the Russians love their children too

How can I save my little boy from Oppenheimer's deadly toy
There is no monopoly in common sense
On either side of the political fence
We share the same biology
Regardless of ideology
Believe me when I say to you
I hope the Russians love their children too

There is no historical precedent
To put the words in the mouth of the President
There's no such thing as a winnable war
It's a lie that we don't believe anymore
Mr. Reagan says we will protect you
I don't subscribe to this point of view
Believe me when I say to you
I hope the Russians love their children too

We share the same biology
Regardless of ideology
What might save us, me, and you
Is if the Russians love their children too

Dreams

This morning's dream

Crawling on the floor, might have been raining... I was all alone. In the dream, i was looking for Simin... >< Felt like i lost her or smthing... Then 3 guys appeared and blocked my way... Cheeseng, Yu Feng and Zong Yao...

Super weird... and scary also...

Day went pretty fine, other than the fact that this dream like kept haunting me for the entire day... Like some raincloud hovering over my head, could not have shaked it of.

Was super busy also. Got 3 hour break in tha afternoon.

1st Hour, Captain's Ball with class (: And super fun! Turns out Lee Ji-Hyun(just want to type her full name :P) quite okay in Capt's ball, learn fast also, but a little blur. Asked her to do the overpass thing to me, worked. Then the other time later i got the ball, she went to run opposite me behind Brendan. Haha, but then the ball she never expect, than lost ): Then went down and had pizza, lols, Miss Huang money no enough lor. total $150 leh... ):

2nd hour chiong to tennis. Was super late, (started at 1, but i just pwn) worth it i guess. But sourav was clearly displeased. Got to do banner tmr i think, or on the day itself. Hope they did the spraying le, so just need to knit it up.

Not the whole hour though, then went to look for Miss Yea with Audrey... She planning to make both of us heads of NEA. But still... Seriously hope she let us do stuff, if not just like puppet head liddat. >< Then was with cheeseng, talked about random stuff about the future. D: sigh, thinking about it a little sian...

Then got sometime more... When to talk to Simin, quite nice (: haha, got kuoxuan bouncing around here and there.

Physics talk was like err... ZZZ, super fail lor, but whatever, talking to Byorn, Andreea, Utkarsh, Yujia. So okay still. (:

(Now gonna think about Chem project le... ><)

WHY???

Why is this happening? >< Why am I doing this? hai...

WHY???

Why is this happening? >< Why am I doing this? hai...

You

You want it done that particular way of yours, yet you don't tell me how. SO FUN!

You

You want it done that particular way of yours, yet you don't tell me how. SO FUN!

Swords

A relationship is like a sword

A good one is forged in fire, between anvil and hammar

A good one stays in its shealth, prime and ready

But it is not its fault if its wielder chooses not to carry it along.

Let me be your sword, keep me by your side

today

cry x 2

Blew up x 0

Attitude all the time

Livin' on Prayer

Sometimes I wonder why I like this song. Well, its probably because I want my life to be as ideal as it is in this song? 2 lovers living together through tough times, selflessly supporting each other in the name of God. Unbelievable. Beautiful. Bullshit

Unfortunately, now i prefer 烟花易冷.

This is gonna be my last post to you guys, at the end of September Holidays, this blog will be blocked from you guys.

Buhbye the last time. This Gabriel you see will be no more.

Be prepared to see the NEW & IMPROVED GABRIEL SIDIK when schools starts.

I feel noob

sigh... Simin is gonna be chairman of SJAB next year... Or smthing like that... Well... Its bittersweet, quite happy for her: she deserves it... But well... I feel so noob compared to her... >< its like I prolly won't be able to enter SC either because of mum or either I really fail... Then NEA also GG liao... Then I am thinking of giving up mentor representative for Sakthi Ram... Then only left with tennis... My results dropping too... Sigh... Dunno how seh... ):

Why is this happening to me?! Why...

How He Loves

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don?t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way

冲

super busy seh... Short post for today... Just gonna say how much i am in a rush. But nevertheless, i did not regret the time i spent with simin today

I need a hug

I think i really do...

I am tired... I look into the past & i realise how tough it has been, I look into the future, and i am afraid.

All alone.

No one to call my own.

Tired

sick, I am sick, physically sick, mild fever, body aches, mucus flying around when I cough(which is rather often) damn, lovesick too, simin not online... No SMS either... Gonna sleep early bah... Hope tmr will start of well... (:

yesterday

yes, guys, I was crying in 303 yesterday... But thanks the 2 of u, Cyrus n shuen as well, made me feel better, n good enough to survive math. Heehee, that's so awesome guys! ^^ haha, n thank you cheeseng, for doing mpp both in 303 n at home that time. Thank guys, infinite thanks!!!

Haiz... (:

That's about it for now, just wanna confirm it lah... N thanks u guys (:

love won't keep you full, but love can bring u strength that a full stomach can't. ^^

Watching simin sleeping...

heart

so what if I have u, when I don't have your heart

my life

I gotta live for myself

Legacy

I am a legacy of my mother

She is the woman, and to think about it, human who has impacted my growing the most.

I am a chip of her. Perfectionist, fucked up bossy, yet quiet & solo-istic(if there is such a word), very egoistic, highly sharp & quickwitted. Find excuses for myself that I am always correct, even when externally i choose to give in. I am afraid of failing, yet not worried about screwing things up. Failure is defined as when things dont happen MY way, & things screwed up when things dont go OTHER PEOPLE'S WAY.

& one more thing, rebellious.

Only part of me which follows my dad is that i have a much softer temperment, a much cooler head, which does not give me the right combo.

Its like having a cannonball with not a cannon, but a pistol. All the ammo in the world, but no gun. My enemy at my feet, with a sword up his neck, but without the will to kill.

Bleargh.

A side note, will i be able to kill someone with the person looking straight into my eyes?

Hell i dont wanna know.

Hard life

I choose the hard way, I have been told, & this have been repeatedly drilled into my head, living life the hard way, is the right way to live life.

So much, that i am unwilling to accept an easier route through life. This made sense, at least in the past, but now. It seems not right, to live life the hard way. No, it is right, it always is, but it just seems different now, the determination and perseverance i used to have, not there anymore, all gone. i am now one big lazy sloth.

I rely so much upon others, no one in particular regarding homework, everyone to be precise. Simin gives me much hope.

The only thing i still hold on fiercely, is myself, i wanted to write my entire life story & post it here, but i shall not, its my life, for myself only. & recounting it will make it seem like an understatement, only me myself have lived through it, & no one will understand it as much as i myself do.

I guess its a fear of disappointment. I dont wanna be disappointed in case you guys misunderstood what i have to say. So yea.

This is my life, I am to live it my own way.

God

God is there whenever I reach for him. His existence is bloody obvious in my life. But whenever I do reach for him, i sense a satisfaction & contentment which I recoil against. i never felt such peace in my life, never before.

Issit because this bliss worries me, that with such peace & bliss in me when I accept God, I wont have anymore drive to do anything I ought to, anything I should, anything others expect of me? Can i always rely upon God, when many a times, I am deliberately going against his will?

What am I, a mere man, a boy, what do I know about life, will things get way worst when I grow older, will such peace still be so easily found?

So many uncertainties. If I cannot accept God now, how am I to do that in the future?

(:

All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.

Simin, you are that sweetness <3

tired

so tired, lethargy

Friday night, 20:41

Simin is so understanding & accepting... I told her that I removed her from my blog's reader list, & she was not upset at all... All I am worried of is that she was merely lying to me... But since she actually couldkeep it check, I should keep it that way... I guess maybe I should begin trusting her? I should have all the time...

Time, it is easier to find time in some 10 marks physics question then in the real world... Sigh... So much things to do, so much things I wanna do... & many of these things I wanna do, if I don't get to do it, I get so upset & uncomfortable that I can't do what I must do properly. So tired nowadays... I can't go on any forced march anymore... I promised simin I won't either... Guess I should just get by priorities straight & then stick to it.

I need determination, a hell lot of it.

thermo-die

dying dice & dicing die. Thermo-die. Sians, thermodynamics is not as tough as it sounded like, all u need is the key to click n presto... Lottery n luck, dice of death. Zzz, FYI, I am in physics class now... Law of thermal conduction... Heehee, gotta jiayous... Never read b4hand for thermodynamics... Guess I should pay attention in class bah... I need not do so, but I want to. Respecting teachers, respecting myself. Okays, stop. NOW!

Attention

I feel so hypocritic... Listening to both sides of a story can fuzz out the line, but my loyalty is solid. I won't change sides, I won't bloody change sides.

killout

only 3 people can see this blog now. & this number would not rise fast. Hopefully not at all...

I want to write what I want to, not to be restricted by my readers, friends all of u guys are... But if I removed u, I guess I wanna apologize, but bloody hell will I add those KO-ed back in... I guess this apology won't reach those I have blocked. But still...

3, a lonely space of merely 3 people.



What does it mean to be human?

This is enough

I sense and feel you God, you are within reach, hey, I am actually touching you!!! But my hands are holding dearly onto shit, shit I can't let go.

All I have to do is to let go... I'm afriad, God... That if I let them go & reach out to you... You will disappear... & I will be left with nothing...

My faith is in turmoils

blog posting

hahaha, have not been posting... But that can be interpretted in a good way as well as a bad way.

Good as it means I not emoemo

Bad as it means I not free

(: I guess its both bah...

(: